Buzzed Bands Podcast, Ep. 2 w/ Cold Blood Club

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Rabid Raccoon VS. Me!

The other night I heard some unusual noises coming from my backyard. So I took a gander and what did I see... a fucking raccoon! The thing is I live in East Williamsburg far from any trees or greenery. So anyway I went to the door to get a better look. The damn thing was a few feet away and it was acting funny. I immediately recognized the behavior, the fucker had rabies!

How did I recognize this you ask? When I was a kid in South Jersey me and my friends came face to face with a rabid raccoon. The raccoon in my yard was acting just like that one was. It was stumbling around, pawing at thin air, walking into shit, etc. Most of all when I banged on the door and yelled at it it didn't even look at me, let alone runaway like a normal raccoon would have.

I called 311 and tried to get some one to deal with this fucker. They connected me to 911, which makes no sense, and the cops showed up. They just laughed about it and said they couldn't do anything. If this was Jersey the cops would have immediately shot the raccoon and took it in for testing. But this is NYC and I don't think rabid raccoons are common. They told me to call the ASPCA in the morning.

That night I could barely sleep because of all the noise coming from outside. In the morning I called the ASPCA and they couldn't help so they sent me on a near endless quest connecting me to one department after another. I eventually got off the phone and decided to deal with the situation myself.

I decided I would scoop the raccoon up in a blanket and drop it over the fence into the clearing. The raccoon had at no point made any quick or sudden movements so I thought it was not completely impossible. I then went out side and threw a heavy sheet over it. It was at this point the fucking thing freaked out an started writhing and hissing. I of course ran inside and hid until it wiggled it's way out.

Operation Capture Raccoon: Aborted. So I tried making some more calls. I went back to 311 and this time they connected me to animal control. The girl on the phone didn't seem interested in helping until I mentioned where I lived. She also lives in the neighborhood so now it became a "priority" mission.

About an hour later a guy showed up to wrangle this bastard. Before he came in he warned me that if it wasn't sick then Animal Control couldn't capture it and that I had to just deal with it until it decided to leave. I assured him that this raccoon was definitely sick. I'm no expert there was clearly something VERY wrong with this animal. He came out back and we went over to the corner where the coon was. He took a look at it and poked at it and confirmed that it was sick.

We went back outside and grabbed his gear, which included one of those neck lassoing tools and a special cage for rabid raccoons. We then went out back and he snagged the raccoon by the neck and dropped it into the cage. The raccoon was fighting and hissing but didn't manage to slow the man down.

And that was that, the tale of the rabid raccoon in Brooklyn. The Animal Control guy said it looked like the thing had rabies but the only way to be sure is to examine the animals brain. Which means my raccoon nemesis is probably dead right now. I feel bad because he was huge (40 pounds) and clearly a bad ass before he went rabid. Nonetheless Brooklyn is safe again so let out your children and dogs but beware, for another rabid beast may be lurking in the shadows!

Everyone that sees this says "Aww, he doesn't look rabid he looks cute". What you don't see in the picture is the 5 minutes it took for him to climb onto that ledge. You also don't see him wobble and fall off a few minutes later.

During the day even healthy raccoons can seem aloof because they're nocturnal. But this was at 1AM and he was clearly disoriented and stumbling and non-responsive.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

we have a racoon (in williamsburg) that does not appear sick at all, but is not remotely scared of us. we live on the third story, and for the past two nights this gigantic raccoon (looks to wigh 30-40 pounds) has appeared on our batroom window ledge. needless to say, cute as he is, we are leaving the window closed.i have a great photo of him, but don't know how to post it.

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